attention deficit

music: starfield - 40
mood: under the bright white sky

perhaps one of the greatest struggles i have been to right now is
keeping myself from being lazy. this laziness was brought about by my
frustration with things that didn't really turned out the way i've
planned it. man's natural instinct is to strive harder, but bringing out
the non-conformist attitude in me; i reacted differently. i gave up.
way to go, evan! now i'm pulling horses and carriages just to yank
myself off this situation. the tug o' war gets tougher and tougher
by the second.

laziness had drained my creativity, had eaten my bread named patience
and had shortened my attention span. it already established it's
territory in my hobbies and slowly creeping it's way into my ministry.
and yesterday i was trying to write, but words just.. won't.. come..
out... i feel so dumb. no i feel dumbererererer.

last night i continued reading books. i abandoned the four books that
i've been reading (and yes oftentimes, even the big brown One) early
this year to give way to my hobby: procrastination. while i was
reading, i realised the amount of knowledge that i've been keeping
myself from. and come to think of it, all these weeks; i've been
trading all my time for nothing. nada. sa tagalog, itlog. so i will
continue on with my reading. i promised that to myself and to our
neighbor's dog. resuming my reading is my first step in helping myself
out of this stupor, and with God's ever-abundant grace i will overcome.

ravi zacharias has been a real encouragement to me
lately. it's only now that i found his website. his essays are very good.
he's one of the greatest apologetic who ever walked the earth.
kaya naisip kong magbasa ulit para matuto pa.

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